Decision

I made the decision not to teach at my district next year. I emailed the director of Human Resources and notified her of my intent not to teach and asked to be removed from the "surplus" list. At least that way they have time to interview and find another teacher.

I am haunted by my decision. Ultimately I know it is the right decision for me personally as I have never put myself through a more difficult year professionally than this year. What everything has boiled down to making my decision final are the following:

1. I accepted the position at my school over all other offers I had because I was told I would be teaching all Biology classes. As a first year teacher, I wanted one class to prep for. I know myself and I am a perfectionist. Even in our staff meeting last Wednesday, my principal said; "We are continually bettering ourselves in pursuit of perfection." I completely agree with that. As a teacher, I want to be perfect and I want to be the best teacher I can be. I knew it would be difficult for me to master the art of teaching while trying to plan for two different classes. I wanted 1 class to focus on and modify until I found a perfect solution. Haha..... and I just thought - as a science teacher, I only wanted one variable to test!

2. I accepted the position because it was the closest school to my house at (34.48 miles) within the district. Now that I have been surplussed, they can place me at any school in the district. The furthest one is 45.32 miles away from my house. There are 16 high schools in my district.

3. I accepted the position because of the direction my principal wanted to take the school in. When I started, my school had the lowest test scores in the district. My principal faced that question in my interview very specifically. He had said yes, the test scores are low, but he felt by creating a positive staff of teachers, the test scores would turn around on their own. Good teachers motivate students to learn and thus raises test scores. He also informed me of the new direction he wanted to take the school in. In the past, our school was highly sought after by parents and students. His goal was to turn the school around using students, staff, parents, and the community. I admire his dedication and all of the hard work. His time is stretched so thin with so many issues he has to deal with on a daily basis. However, I felt comfortable trusting he understood where I was coming from that if I had any issues, they would be taken care of. I still believe this to be true, however even principals have their hands tied sometimes. I also learned the principal is not the only person who has a say in what happens on a daily basis.

All these reasons on their own have lead to my decision to pursue my career in another district. I feel incredibly guilty for leaving my students. When the decision was final, I didn't even tell them..... one class had a couple of students that came in saying, "Miz, is it true you won't be here next year?" I think they found out from another teacher. When I confirmed it, it spread like wildfire through the school.

Since then, I have had kids who I don't even have as students come in to my room and ask me why I am leaving. They said they wanted to take me for Biology next year, they heard I was a good teacher. I have students who were in my class last semester for physical science, but who were transferred out to another teacher tell me they wanted to take my Bio class next year. I had one student ask me; "Why did you take the job here?" I told him it was because I wanted to be a part of creating a new school and get to know the students. He asked me if I felt I made a difference here at our school. I told him I hope I have shown students it is possible to succeed at education; and if you can succeed in education, the possibilities are limitless. He looked at me and said, "Well Miz, you have made a difference to me." I had to tell him to leave before he made me cry (this is the kid I have had such a soft spot in my heart for)! He asked me to promise to come back for his graduation. I promised him I would.

I had a female student (actually the volleyball student I blogged about last semester!) ask me to come back to our school if they offered me a job. I told her they had offered me the night school position but I didn't think it would be a good fit for me. She stuck out her lower lip and then asked me if I would come back for her graduation. I told her I would and she asked how I would know. I said I would give her my email address and we could keep in touch. She followed with; "But, Miz, promise you won't change it?" This is the exact same girl who last semester cussed me out for keeping her from playing volleyball. The same girl we had a parent conference with to discuss her bad attitude and lack of work ethic. Last semester she was carrying a D/C average. We did a grade check on Thursday and she has straight A's. She was even worried about the 91.8% she had in one of her classes because it is "too close to a B." She brought in a big piece of paper and made a sign saying "Keep Ms. Dooley" and hung it up in one of the windows in my classroom. She asked everyone in her class to sign it. Most of them did - but now all my other kids are signing it! She did make me promise not to take it down - she wants the principal to see it. I haven't told them I decided not to teach in the district.