So......I got the DVD the day I was notified I would be surplussed. I couldn't bring myself to watch it alone. I got misty eyed just looking at the cover. I took it with me on my Spring Break and had a friend watch it with me. Boy was that a mistake! I bawled like a little baby! It was the kind of crying where your shoulders shake and your eyes get all hot and steamy from being so upset. I was the worst guest that night EVER! Took me awhile to calm down after that!
Although the movie completely touched my heart, it also infuriated me. I understand it is a documentary and it is not possible to cover all angles in a 2 hour movie, but still!!! I was so upset!
Some charter schools are very successful. I will not argue that point. However, I could not help but feel I could create the incredible classroom these children in the video so desperately yearn for if I got to choose my class size. Charter schools operate on a lottery system. They decide how many students they can accomadate, then only allow in that number of students. I on the other hand, have no choice in how many students I am responsible for. When the school year started, I had 180 students. One Hundred AND EIGHTY! That is with 5 classes of 32, and one homeroom class of 20! 180 papers to grade, 180 grades to enter, 180 parents to contact, 180 parents to have conferences with, 180 attendances to monitor, and labs to prep for 180. In the charter schools, they average 26-28 per class. That is only 150 students.
With my decision not to continue in my district, I could not help but feel totally guilty for quitting. Even now, I still feel like a quitter. I feel like I am letting all 180 of my students down by leaving. Studies prove students do better when they are able to form long term relationships with mentors/teachers.
Plus, as a first year teacher, I have so much more to learn. I have only gotten started. I feel completely defeated in my job position, but yet I still feel like a quitter. Even if I were to say I would continue in my district, what I am hoping to accomplish other than maintaining the relationship with a select few students? I will still have the discipline problems, I will still have the students who do not come to school, and tell me to F*CK off when they do come. There is not one thing that has been done about it or will be done about it. Each school has its issues and problems, but I hope and pray to find a school who has figured out how to handle these issues and who can better guide me to solving these issues.
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