I got an email today from my principal asking me if I had applied yet to teach the ESO position at my school. I sent an email back asking if I could speak with him later today. We scheduled a meeting for immediately after school got out.
I went down to his office in a big ball of nerves. Ready to throw up. What was I going to do? I do not feel comfortable applying for the ESO position and committing to a position I feel I am not prepared to fulfill. I have my serious doubts about the support I would be provided while teaching an ESO schedule. But - on the other hand, I love teaching. This is the only way I can stay teaching at this school next year.
I have been doing a lot of thinking since my Friday Surplus day. In addition to everything else regarding teaching at this school......I also know I am not making it financially. Public record..... I am contracted for my first year of teaching with a master's degree to make $38,000 this school year. The beginning of 2010, I had to quit my job in corporate America to do my student teaching. This means that from January of 2010 until August of 2010, I did not have a steady paycheck. I do have a part time job on the weekends on a golf course and thankfully my managers are SUPER understanding and have allowed me to customize my schedule. But it is only a part time job. It dos not work miracles. AND - by Friday, I am so wiped out, I am in bed by 8pm usually and asleep by 9pm. I can hardly stay awake for Dateline! I have been continuing to work my part time job on the weekends, but I am seriously broke. I have never been more educated, more exhausted, more stressed, and put in more difficult situations than I have been since August. And never this broke.
We sat down and began talking. I was honest and told him my biggest hesitation is the lack of support from the Dean regarding discipline issues. Teaching an ESO schedule is a schedule I am very hesitant to take on because of the follow through on discipline issues. The principal told me ESO would be very different from teaching regular school because the ESO schedule is a privilege and not a requirement.
I also told the principal I have been having a difficult time financially. Now I know I am never going to become a millionaire as a teacher. I knew that when I quit my job in corporate America. I went in to teaching because I love teaching. I love writing lesson plans, creating lab activities, using science to engage students interests. I love working with students. I love how much I can learn from them and how their faces light up when I tell them they are correct in their responses. All of those reasons were and still are worth it to me to teach.
Getting personal..... I am single, I have no children, and I rent. I can barely support myself. I am 1,000 miles over on my oil change because I can barely support myself. I look over my finances and I do not buy daily latte's, I do not get manicures, pedicures, massages, or live in the land of luxury. I am talking bare bones. Yes, I do have some personal debt from living off lovely credit cards during my time spent student teaching.... but for things like groceries and basic daily needs. And now.... my student loans are due.
My principal was very understanding. He said he has been in my shoes and it is not easy. He asked if I would be interested in a part time teaching position. I told him I would love to go back to school myself. This would allow me 3 things. 1. I could defer my student loans and 2. I only need 8 more credits in upper division biology to teach dual enrollment classes. Teaching dual enrollment would be incredible. When you teach dual-enrollment, you get a stipend from the college the enrollment credit is through per student to buy supplies and materials for the class. 3. The more college credits I earn, the faster I move on the salary scale for my district.
If I taught in a part time position, I could go to my school in the am, then teach in the pm. The only problem is it is not currently offered at this time. Principal said he would talk to district and see if they would be willing to offer that schedule since; "We really don't want to lose you."
I left the meeting feeling VERY sad. Here I have spent 2 years getting my master's degree in secondary education to teach and now I am part walking away/part being surplussed. I have such conflicting feelings about this. If I walk away, I feel like I would have not accomplished any part of what I set out to do in the first place.....teach. Change young adults lives. Whether we like it or not, every single person can remember at least 1 teacher. I wanted to be that teacher. I want to be the little sassy old lady teacher my students of today send their kids to and say, "Hey, I had Ms. Dooley when I was in school, boy are you going to like her class." Maybe not word for word but.... you know. I am very, very, very, very, very sad.
The other part of me feels now is the time I need to stay in school and get as much education as I possibly can. This way, I can start my career with my education behind me and move forward. I know my personality. I become very frustrated when there is something blocking my way and I can't get past it.
In order to move in to administration, you are required to have 3 years of classroom teaching under your belt. Well, I have 1. Now I need to figure out when/how to get the other 2. I really am heartbroken over this whole mess. I haven't slept since Friday and I am exhausted which isn't helping anything. Maybe now I can sleep tonight.....
Strangely enough, I feel your frustration, your sadness, and your anxiety. I know what you mean Chantel, we have to work other jobs just to teach. I have always said, "If they would just pay enough to teach and live, I'd quit being an accountant." The sad truth is, they don't pay us enough. We are placed into the classroom as underpaid, overworked teachers; yet, our passion and desire to teach overpowers those factors. Yet, all we want is to be able to make our rent at the end of the month. BTW: You can ask for a forebarance from the loan company. If you go through Direct Servicing (Federal Loan), you can go on an income contingent repayment plan! Lastly, as for oil changes, Wal-Mart is fairly reasonable. I know your feeling. I am so exhausted, I work at school, come home, and work more. Heck, I spend my weekends working. WORK WORK, that's all I do. I'm not sure what I'd do with "FREE" time. Follow your heart... and remember you have bigger balls than me! Remember that night at the restaurant?? :))
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