First Day Back to School

This post is exactly one week overdue. We started back to school last Monday 1/3/11 and I have been so swamped with lesson planning and lesson preparation that I have not even had a moment to think let alone vent here on my blog.

I could not sleep a wink the Sunday before school started. I was so hyped up with anxiety and worry....(and the 2 cups of coffee I had at 3pm during my sisters' bridal shower didn't help either). What am I doing here? Am I really teaching? How do I know I am teaching? Am I really making a difference? Am I really serving as a positive influence on these students lives? How do I measure that?

They taught us all the way through our master's program how to pre-assess, teach, and post-assess. Taught us how to evaluate our student's mastery, but they never taught us how to evaluate our own mastery. I have been signing up for EVERY continuing education opportunity open to me on the East side of the valley since I started teaching. I have had 1 or 2 seminars to attend all year long and I am still booking them all the way through May. How do I improve? How can I get better? How can I teach better? How can I design lesson plans so I will have a 70% pass rate on my CRT scores? I am not an "average" teacher. Why do I have test scores that mirror the fact my students are at the "average" level (which is a 54%). Augh! Anyway.....

I finally fell asleep at 3:30am, then TOTALLY SLEPT THROUGH MY ALARM! BOTH OF THEM! I am usually up at 5:15, in the car driving by 6:00, dropping the dogs off at my parents house (because I am gone for 13 hours a day) by 6:10, and pulling in the school parking lot at 6:50-7:00am depending on traffic.

My dad called me at 7:07am!!!! WOKE ME UP! He said, "Hey, don't you have school today?" I bolted out of bed and threw on the first thing I could find. I flew out the door and threw the dogs to my parents house and floored it all the way to school. I made it in to the doors of the building after the last bell. My wheelie bag was being dragged on its' side, haven't combed my hair, and my jacket was falling off one shoulder. I had my purse on my elbow with the contents clutched in my arms since it went flailing off when I got out of the car. I looked at my students with blood-shot eyes from exhaustion and they started laughing instantly. I was completely frazzled and totally not with it all day! After the final bell rang, instead of staying until 7:00pm, I packed up and was out the door by 3:20pm. I was exhausted and totally not ready to start the year or anything I needed to focus on.

Tuesday, I am happy to report I woke up on time and made it on time. But Friday, I didn't get out of bed until 6:30....AUGH AGAIN! What is the deal with me?! I guess it really is hard to get in to the swing of things after 2 weeks of vacation!